At a church gathering, after the session on celebrating mothers day, I was asked to pray.


Me, being me, cant not speak in public without saying something totally unexpected and irreverent. So, this was my prayer. Iv added to it now, personalized it quite a lot, and put in a few ‘notes’. But still, here goes…

Lord, Thank you for moms.

Thank you for someone who teached me to pray, then insisted I do that every day of my life, and kept on checking if I did still did - even now, when Im 26.

Thank you for someone who insisted that I go to church every Sunday, and that I sit silently and reverently throughout the two hours there, right from when I was not even one (If ever I felt tempted to imitate the other kids in bawling, there were her nails to pinch, till I couldn’t take it no more and I stopped)

Thank you for someone who made sure I wash my hands before every meal, and trim my nails every day – even though I do neither anymore

Thank you for someone who spent hours after dinner talking about the world around to the teen I was then. About the constellations in the sky, detailed plots of Arthur Hailey’s novels, Sanjay Gandhi’s atrocities and the Roman papacy. I probably could now give her a thousand times more information about all of that and much more, but that’s pretty much only because of those snippets I was exposed to when I was ten.

Thank you for a mom who insisted that I learn to cook and wash my clothes right after I was done with my tenth. Being a guy just wasn’t an excuse with her

Thank you for a mom who introduced me to Enid Blyton, William Shakespeare & ABBA much before any kid my age was. They’re still favourites.

Thank you for a mom who took pride in my participation in debates, and quiz competitions. Who edged me through, without pushing me too hard either. (On a side note, she could have let me play that football match for Red House when I was in the 8th, inspite of my really low marks, or sing in the Culturals when I was in the 10th – But yeah, let’s not bring it up on Mother’s day)

Thank you for a mom who insisted that cheating in exams was a sin, that lying was wrong and that using foul language in whatever form was totally no-no. Those rules had no sub-clauses or exemptions.

Thank you for a mom who burnt the midnight oil with me before my exams during my 6th and 7th, pinching and spanking, just because I wouldn’t get it (Neither did she know how to get me to get it - But she atleast cared)

Thank you again, mom, for insisting that I complete my CA before I pursued a career in journalism. Even though I rebelled hard against that, and much of that rebellion was directed at you.

Thank you Lord for a mom who broke from normal mallu tradition and allowed me to not study science in 11th. It changed my life.

Thank you for a mom who, again in a departure from tradition, is not insisting I get married at 26. I probably won’t even when Im 35 (Please be cool about that too, if we reach there)

Thank you for a mom who taught us kids to manage the pennies. Who taught us how to stitch together a living even with the littlest of money to spend. We probably wouldn’t have to again, but if we did, we know how to do it.

Thank you for a mom who taught us that its not important to know all the answers in life, but that what’s important is persevering with what you believe is right.

Thank you above all, for a mom who did everything to ensure we grew up to beconme real Men!

Every once in a while, a young man or woman shoots out of obscurity with an act or a statement that, while it shocks the guts out of the conformists for its sheer veracity, helps reaffirm the faith of us puritans in the existence of the demarcation between right and wrong.

Miss California Carrie Prejean was the frontrunner for the Miss America title last weekend, till she was asked what definitely was a loaded question by Gay celebrity blogger Perez Hilton. “Vermont recently became the 4th state to legalize same-sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit. Why or why not?”

Now, gay-rights is an issue which even the presidential candidate is expected to have an opinion on in the US. Why, even Carrie later confessed that “of all the topics I had studied on, I dreaded this one. Any other question and….” But neither the fears, which eventually proved founded, nor the inclination to doctor her prepared answer to sound politically correct like even Barack Obama did, stopped her from giving an answer that politely but clearly stated her convictions.

“Well I think its great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage. And you know what, in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offence to anybody out there, but that’s how I was raised and that’s how I think it should be between a man and a woman. Thank you very much”

Ms Prejean predictably (though it is fair to suspect that she could have lost for other reasons too) lost the winners sash. But clearly she was the winner that night. Touted as a potential winner, and having anticipated this very topic, she probably knew how badly such an answer could affect her chances at the pageant. Even when she foresaw the depth of the trap that she was being lured into, even when she could have escaped with a politically agreeable answer that wouldn’t commit her opinion anywhere, even when she could have found a thousand excuses to even betray her convictions for the larger picture, like all of us are so prone to do, the 21 year old girl chose to be candidly forthright.

We live in a society that, we’d better admit, is abounding in covert morality, covert ethics, and covert spirituality - ‘Keep your inclinations to yourself, please. It isn’t socially acceptable’ So, that a celebrity, from that very class of society that we hold responsible for the downward plunge of our moral values, can stand up and say “it's not about being politically correct, for me it was being biblically correct”, is not just refreshing for its frankness, but also a slap in the face of a generation that shies away from owning up to anything that isn’t the in-thing, a generation that is terrified at the thought of not conforming.

But the furore that resulted points out something else too. The question technically asked for the contestants views on the subject. There was no way she should have been booed for stating what she thought was right. If anything she should have been lauded for the gumption. Instead, Perez Hilton derides her, calling her a bitch Have we become so obsessed with socially accepted stance’s, or the need for self justification in Hiltons case, that we cant even accept a differing view without snickering.

Something in the bottom of my heart applauds the way Miss California could be so vocal about her religion even in front of a partisan crowd, something we rarely have the guts to do. She later described the encounter as “by having to answer that question in front of a national audience, God was testing my character and faith. I'm glad I stayed true to myself”. She might have lost the pageant, and maybe a potential international title, but she was clearly the winner of the night!

PS: All this said, something still bothers me. Same sex marriages might not be Christian, but is sashaying in a bikini, a costume that classifies as semi-pornography in half the world, Christian? But yeah, for now, lets give it to the girl!

Its election time again, and predictably, everyone’s talking elections. So could I refrain? Atleast that’s my lame excuse for loading a whole post with boring political talk and analysis last time. But then again, I really wanted to say that, and anyway, you rely on my commentaries on the stock market. Then why not some politics? So hears the deal – You read politics, but I promise to keep it interesting as I can, not to mention insightful! Okay?


Politicians are known to talk big. Or rather, have a loose tongue. Someone once characterized all politicians as liars. Others just settle for calling them opportunists. Nevertheless, they speak of seemingly implausible things with so much of conviction that you begin to suspect that they actually believe whatever it is they say to be true.

Take for instance the number of leaders claiming that they will win the elections convincingly. Now, these leaders who are known as the best political strategists would surely have us believing that they knew the electorate as nobody else can. Only thing, even their opponents make the same wild claim of victory that leaves you quizzed.

Mayawati (oh btw, does she have a first name or something?) thinks that this is her year of reckoning. LK Advani thinks she doesn’t even stand a chance and is only dreaming. Both of them are Z category names that have had their share of wins so far. Could they be bad at feeling the pulse? One would think not. So why would they engage in such ramble? You would guess, so as to disillusion the voter into believing that the victory is already sealed and all he needed to do was be a part of it by voting for them.

Hmmm, that’s a point, but take this. Pinarayi Vijayan the secretary of the CPM in Kerala thinks his party will do one better than last time and win all 20 seats from the state. He claims a ‘Leftern wind is sweeping across the state’. And you read my last post.

So that leads me to conclude that maybe the leaders are not always telling you what they want you to hear. Rather, at the heights of desperation, they tell you what they would have someone telling them. Heights of disillusionment, wouldn’t you say? And they expect us to vote for them!

***

Talking of political rhetoric, it is sad, no pathetic, to hear the Congress keep on accusing the NDA of laying out a banquet for 3 terrorists some ten years ago, and then accompanying them all the way to Kandahar (Just to tickle your memory, that was when DD transformed itself into a 24 hour news channel – with hourly bulletins. Those were still the days when Prannoy Roy was only the Chairman of a news agency known as New Delhi Television). Now, that was a long way ago, but I remember clearly what happened then. No politician had come up with a solution then. So why make a deal of it now, when the intricacies have conveniently faded from public memory. That is where Indian politics needs to mature. We need to grow above the culture of saying anything and everything that suits our disposition at any given time. Home Minister Chidambaram’s statement early this year that the govt. of that day could not have done much better with the lives of so many hostages at stake was a solitary example of political honesty that transcends rhetoric. That’s why I respect that man. He has the guts to call a spade a spade.

But that said, even Advani’s allegation that 26/11 would not have happened under his rule is again crap. The thing is, no Indian government could have stopped it. The attacks were not a , but even in its simplicity, the only way those attacks could have gone wrong was if the terrorists themselves messed up. I think as a country we have to own up to that. That it is the system that failed us. And while the system ought to be improved, it isn’t something that features high on the agenda of any political party. And moreover, both Kandahar and Mumbai were one of a kind attacks. There was no way really that we could have seen it coming. Or atleast there was no way any govt. could have prevented it, given that we are talking about India.

L K Advani says the laws (POTA) during the previous govt. were much stronger and could have helped counter terrorism. But tell me, which terrorist has he stopped with that law? Ultimately, the law was only used by some regional satraps, trying to settle old scores with political rivals. And in any case, you have to give it to the Manmohan Singh govt. that terrorists started unleashing their venom only during his tenure.

***

Talking of POTA enforcement, one of the most significant instances of its misuse was Jayalalitha’s arrest of Vaiko. Today, Vaiko and Jayalalitha share a platform asking for a joint mandate. If there is an insult to a poor voter wielding his solitary vote that is to keep his mouth shut for five years or so, it is the presumption that he doesn’t even remember!

***

But this is nothing. Today, Advani stands up to the election commission for his partyman, Varun Gandhi. Now lets put that in perspective. Advani standing up for the son of Sanjay Gandhi, the very man who he ought to be accusing for the atrocities commited during the emergency, especially his own jailing which he still keeps crying hoarse about. Of course, he was just being fair and putting justice above his personal anguish. But tell me, by what stretch of logic can he still taunt the sister in law and the niece of the perpetrator, while he enlists the support of the son?

***

Congress without the dynasty, BJP without the RSS backing, or a progressive left. That’s what Ram Guha recently claimed would see the revival of mature politics in India. Ram Guha is a discerning man for sure. But has he forgotten the mess that the Congress party became during the only time that the dynasty wasn’t around to dictate things? 1996 was when the Congress actually threatened to become a political non entity till the videshi-bahu (thankfully the BJP has realized that that argument doesn’t really sell with us folks) rescued it, I must say, with her hard work.

Now the Gandhi family is not without its flaws. But these flaws are not the fallout of being the first family of India. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. And that works just as much for Ms G. Im not justifying her. But whatever she did was in a way a reflection of what the BJP did for the previous six years, and in some cases, a taste of what they are going to do should they be bestowed power yet again.

But on the dynasty, the Congress is better of with it. Otherwise, it is just a party of unruly power hungry men who don’t realize their pettiness. Sonia Gandhi helped put them all in place.

The BJP without RSS support? Now before you say why not, let me ask you where would BJP get its cadres from if not from the RSS? The ideology is far imbibed into the party that it is but a hope that the two can be divorced. But of course, if that happens, it will be the best thing that happened to the country.

And a progressive left, you gotta be kidding me! No no, I was just joking. Like Buddhadev has shown in Bengal, the left can be progressive. What they cannot be is accommodating. The communist parties might have a really democratic party structure, and they might not be communal, but their apathy towards a new idea is disheartening. For some reason, they still cant accept anything unless it was clearly permitted in the communist manifesto, and still look up to China and Russia (two non communist countries) for ideological support.

***

“Lalu, who had hit out at L K Advani as well for his role in the mosque's demolition has been slammed by an upset BJP as well. The BJP in turn attacked the Prime Minister and said it will complain to the Election Commission”. Of course, it should have been an oversight by the editors at IBNpolitics, but that sentence made me laugh out loud.

Indeed that’s what it has come to. For just about anything this summer, the BJP has taken to blaming the PM, calling him weak. Im not sure anyone is impressed. Im not in any case.



There’s more, but this is enough food for thought for the moment, methinks. Ill be back with more shortly. And Monika, you think this wasn’t a happy me writing?

So they think they can take our idea, use it, pass it of as creatively innovative, and claim to enjoy it?

And they think they can pretend to be baring their minds or souls or whatever else, even while looking down with disdain at bloggers?

And they think they can sell us the idea of facebook blogging!

Hmm… but then, sometimes when im like this starved for ideas, I couldnt help taking a facebook idea, twist it to suit myself, and then employ it like we would have anyways…

So this one is 15 things (er, well, actually 25, but Im not sure Ill last that long – so we’ll take it as it comes) I would tell the myself who was around a year ago by way of advice, based on a years experience. Or atleast something like that! So, here goes…. And trust me, if I had heard even one of these last March, I would have ROFL’d for want of more absurd things to laugh at!

1. Hmmm well, for starts, maybe you can think of splurging a little on yourself while you have the cash. You’ll be hopelessly broke by this time next year!
2. Don’t make plans too elaborate, even for the immediate future. Not one single one of them is going to

   Actually work out remotely like you planned!

3. Stop advising all and sundry. Over the next year, the biggest revelation will be that even you are incapable of living your own advice. And that’ll be a humiliation by itself.
4. You will know what it means to flunk exams. That too, multiple times! And how it feels each time!
5. You will, okay, now hold your breath… you will be called a ‘ladies man’ by the majority in a group of 20-something’s. And that too, not without more than a hint of jealousy.
6. You will start getting bizarre ideas like ‘write a book’, or even ‘start writing your memoirs’. But be warned, don’t attempt it. It’s just another attempt by Life to humiliate you. By proving you aren’t capable of even that!
7. Why, you will actually go out and make attempts to pursue all your dreams. Not that any one of them will actually materialize. You’ll just have your options curtailed.
8. You will lose pretty much all your friends. But surprise surprise… you wont actually miss them like you feared you would!
9. You will swear that Indian authors are the best in the world. Right From Vikram Seth down to Shobhaa De. Jhumpa Lahiri will attain a status in your book collection that was reserved for Paulo Coehlo this far.
10. You will actually see every movie you’ve wanted to in your life (thanks to file sharing, free internet time, and irrepressible joblessness. You, of all people!
11. You will discover that your soul-mate does exist. Or atleast someone who satisfies your idea of a soul-mate. You’ll miss her!
12. Hmmm well, you’ll happen to sleep with a female stranger on a train! Oh yeah, I know that’s corny, and so just in case you start getting Emraan Hashmi- flavoured reveries, Ill break the news that she’ll be around 7 years old!
13. You will discover that you can survive without knowing sensex levels, without blogging (or wanting to), without wanting to win arguments, or even without singing! For months, not days…..
14. You will be jobless for months on end. You’ll reeeeealllly realize the implications of cribbing about work!
15. Oh no, I forgot… You will be damn right about the recession/Bear Market! Not that the fact will save you from becoming its casualty.

So guys, that’s it. I guess you’ve got a fair idea of my current state of affairs, and perhaps an explanation of why you haven’t even heard from me in months! Its new, and I must say, I didn’t see it coming!

And yeah, for tags, feel free to take up the trail in case you are inclined to. And anyway, I dont think Im in the mood to do some PR for my new post! :P

Maybe from now on, we can look at company names for clues. Satyam, named after truth, it turns out was just conjuring for us some fanciful numbers every quarter for years now, trying to pass it off for the truth. In a recent, though relatively tame, ponzi scam in Kerala, the perpetrator, a 21 year old lad called Sabari Nath, called his company ‘Total4you’. It was obviously intended to be ‘Total4me’ and ended up being ‘Total4noone’ when he ended up behind bars. You will remember that the big bull of the last decade, Harshad Mehta, called his company GrowMore Research and Asset Management Company Ltd. It grew in infamy.

Not that it is going to help us in reality. Not that we have much of a choice either. If Satyam can happen to us, then God bless us poor investors. Mind you, we are not talking about a fly-by-night company floated by a cunning entrepreneur looking to make a fast buck. No, B.Ramalinga Raju was one of the celebrated faces of the Indian IT industry. Why, a few years ago, the Financial Post, a Canadian publication, suggested that he might be feared in America even more than Osama Bin Laden for the potential threat his business was to the jobs of American citizens.

And why did he do it? Raju was not a Bernard Madoff whose very intention was to defraud the hand that fed him. Atleast, I believe he wasn’t. His undoing was in his willingness to resort to exaggeration in his company’s financials in his eagerness to assure the financial world that all was well with his company. The mild exaggeration, which everyone suspects happens anyway in corporate window-dressing, became acute when just to keep up the façade he had to consistently overstate his profits, ending up with a little less than Rs.7000 crores of fictitious assets. Of course, that gap was intended to be rectified soon. Only thing his business never improved sufficiently to allow him the leeway to do so. In the end his predicament could not be summed up better than he himself did in his confessional letter. “It was like riding a tiger, not knowing how to get off without being eaten”. He continued to ride, till he was thrown off by the tiger itself. The clout which helped him call the shots so far finally deserted him. You can say he was cornered by his misdeeds. So let us examine them.

The first straw was the aborted move in December to acquire two other family owned companies, Maytas Constructions and Maytas Properties, a deal that was at that time unanimously approved by Satyam’s ‘independent’ directors. An uprising of shareholder activism on an unprecedented scale, coupled with the media frenzy put paid to that idea and the deal was called off within the day. Realty companies have been under the scanner for some time now. With liquidity drying up, property prices plummeting and just about everybody predicting doom for the sector, it was but natural that its promoter come up with ideas to bail out the twosome. No one, not even one soul, guessed that it was the parent company that needed bailing out. After all, wasn’t it supposed to be sitting on upwards of 5000 crore’s of rupees in cash? It was unimaginable that the whole exercise was designed so as to give some amount of credence to its Balance Sheet that was attaining humungous proportions in pretension.

When sorrows come, they come not as single spies, but in battalions. Or so Shakespeare mused centuries ago. The next straw was the World Bank ban on outsourcing to the company in a totally unrelated matter, pertaining to briberies made to bank employee’s years ago. While it might not have actually contributed to the revelations of this week, it sure did contribute to the notoriety of the management in the eyes of the public.

And then came the takeover rumours. Having all but forfeited investor trust, it was but inevitable that they be seen as exploring strategic options to enhance value. Merrill Lynch, the firm appointed to advise the company in this regard, would have refused to fall in line with the management’s intention of covering up its own tracks, and when they served their notice of termination of engagement citing irregularities, Ramalinga Raju and his partner in crime, his brother Rama Raju, was left to face the music.

The frightening part is that had one of these elements actually blinked, either the company’s investors or the media that whipped up a fuss, or Merrill Lynch at the time of Due Diligence, (Remember, PriceWaterhouse Coopers, the biggest of the big 4 of accounting firms was hoodwinked into not verifying some 5000 crores worth of bank balance for God knows how long) we might never have even known. But the tiger would not be tamed this time.

Mr Raju is probably consoling his family that he finally did come clean about the whole episode. That he tried his best to steer the ship like a man and only gave up when it became totally out of hand. Maybe he’s patting himself in the back for not defecting or killing himself, a route many other failed entrepreneurs have taken. He seemed to have been doing us all a favour with his generous gesture of submitting to ‘the law of the land’. But wait, who is he kidding?

Two years ago, in February 2007, his company unceremoniously sacked about 1000 employees overnight. The charge – Fake CVs and documents used to gain entry. While that indeed was a crime, doesn’t that pale in comparison with appearing on national television every three months to announce and answer questions relating to another quarter of sterling results that were simply fabricated? If faking was a crime what is his defence for waxing eloquent about corporate governance history and Golden peacocks to assure his own employees knowing full well that his covert actions were anything but straightforward? Or is ‘ethics’ and ‘honesty’ no more than rhetoric to keep cynics at bay?

Maybe some of you would hail him as a warrior who fought till the end. But to me, Ramalinga Raju is just a fraudster!

By the time you would read this, you would have heard various hypotheses in the news about the extent and methods of this scam. So, first of all, I must say that this was written when the scam originally broke out, using the first facts available and my primary reading of the episode. Regarding the stories that I’v been reading in the papers, some are valid. But most of the theories are plain absurd. But let me explain why I think so.

Take for example the accusation that a whole lot of people in the management would surely have known about it. But take my word, if even a few more actually did, we wouldn’t have had this scam. There are two reasons I bring in support of my point.

One, even though the nature of fraud was serious, the items are covered are not. All it takes to repress cash balance would be a banker’s tacit misrepresentation and the bribery/bullying of the auditor in charge. Its easier because cash being the easiest item to verify, the junior most staff are assigned by the auditor to verify the same. And 22 year old kids can be easily hoodwinked. Secondly, the involvement of directors needs to be analysed. Typically the accounts are finalised by the audit committee, (consisting of financially literate members of the board and the different auditors, and the committee would really not take it upon them to verify the veracity of cash balance. I mean, it’s the easiest thing to accept, an audited bank balance number) The audit committee the forwards the recommendations to the Board of Directors who usually pass it without much ado, considering that it has already been analysed.

Even more ridiculous is the suggestion that the company could not have been working on a margin of 3% (thereby implying that the management siphoned out money). While it is a possibility, it is still not prima facie evidence. The reason is simple. All through the year, export based companies have been losing revenue to exchange rate fluctuations. Implying that a company could have done pretty well, but due to an adverse currency bet, they could have a major chunk of that shaved away. During March to September, the movement was so unexpected that a company with the wrong hedging strategy could have got knifed. In fact, just last September the very same journalists were speculating that a few mid sized IT companies might go out of business if the wild fluctuations persist. Of course, blame it on the pressures of sleaze reporting, but does it cost much to think before you put ink to paper?

About Raju’s claims that he never took a penny of the company’s money, here’s how you should read it. Let’s say you were a guest at someone’s home and used there telephone lavishly. While you say goodbye, would you just leave a message saying that ‘hey, I haven’t stolen any of your money, but Iv raked up quite a huge bill on your telephone, please pay it”. And while I don’t have the figures, My memory tells me that Ramalinga Raju and his brother were among the highest paid Indian managers. So basically he was paying himself all that when he didn’t have profits to show?

Finally, Udayan Mukherjee on CNBC TV18 was wondering aloud about the actually existence of Satyam’s 53000 employees. Well, no one has paraded them so as to be sure, but I would rather believe that they exist. The catch is in the fact that them employees themselves must have been a part of a window dressing exercise to tell the world that all was rosy. Like, I know a few fresher’s at Satyam. And virtually all of them have spent their first year surfing the net for lack of projects. Now Iv been crying hoarse about it for the last one year at my old office. Why all your new hirees spend their first year on the bench if your business was improving as per your claims? Either they changed the laws of probability, or something was fishy. Now we know why! And this is precisely why I believe that in spite of al the rhetoric, Satyam will have to retrench a good part of their employees. They don’t enough business to justify its workforce.

Im not very much of a blogger. Or so I guess its time I admitted. So much for the regularity of my posts. Till about a month ago, I had my excuse of too much else to do. Iv spent the last month doing nothing except fretting that I don’t have anything productive to occupy myself with.

I did try my hand at writing. And found out that maybe I don’t want to actually. Oh, in fact, Iv been having doubts whether I really wanted to write in the future. But that dissection can wait. Right now we’ll talk about blogging. Or my blogging, to be precise.

I don’t consider myself to be a very interesting blogger either (And no, Im not fishing for compliments). Mainly because of the absolute lack of original stuff I come up with on a regular basis. Of course there’s the rare, maybe semi-annual, post which is indeed interesting. Uh well, now that I’ve berated myself a little, I guess I can get back to attempting to write something post-worthy.

Sometime ago, I had answered a tag on ‘Reasons why I blog’. Going through that now, I really don’t think they were honest answers. The only reason I blog ought to be because nobody else would want to publish the stuff I come up with. Or for that matter, pay to read. So, that begs the question, why do I write. I think that puts the whole thing in perspective. I need to write. Not because writing is the essential me, like I claimed in that post. Not because I need to voice my opinion about the happenings around me (I do, but a vocal argument will satiate that need). Not even because I believe I could influence public debate (Anyway Im seen as no more than an immature male-chauvinist who voices everything his mother makes him believe – yeah D, that was aimed straight at you and a few others who don’t read this blog anymore).

I write because I enjoy reading what I write. Uhh no, I enjoy reading the outcome of the creativity in me. Every time I feel like writing, I intend to churn out something that satisfies that yearning in me. Often for prolonged stretches of time, my mind refuses to cooperate. And so I give up writing temporarily. I would rather live in oblivion than subject myself to reading routine boring inconsequential stuff (This of course, is about my writing, you are entitled to write what you please, and I as a dutiful blog buddy, will read)

I write because I love compliments. Not compliments like how smart I am or intelligent (They’re quite off-the-mark anyway), but compliments on my creativity. Yeah, Ill admit it, I get a kick to hear that. I don’t mind the light-headedness that comes from feeling a little superior.

I write because somewhere in the bottom of my heart, I am vain. I want to be a famous writer. Not necessarily an author, but atleast a revered columnist (yeah, I meant ‘revered’). Well, I hope I do!

****

Back to blogging. There was a time when for a few months I thought I was actually a good blogger. Good blogger as in, regular blogger plus popular blogger. And as I am wont to do, I began giving out advice on how to make your blog popular. And sometimes I get a kick out of seeing the popularity of some blogs.

It’s simple actually. And it’s high time you accepted it. You visit someone else’s blog and leave a comment, they visit yours and comment. You blogroll someone, they return the ‘favour’. Isn’t that what is known as a quid pro quo? But somewhere down the line that irked me. I didn’t add up. I know it was asking too much of a busy world that people should acknowledge me without prompting. I mean, don’t we all want to be loved without us having to demand it? That was when I started putting anonymous comments. So, I could continue ‘sampling life’ without leaving an obligation.

Well of course, I didn’t tell you. That was the period in which I was a little insane. Or rather what I would call my withdrawal phase. I got through that (Surprisingly, on my own). And then came the privacy phase. Now I suddenly didn’t want any new blog readers. But by then the blog had become quite public among my extra-net friends, even the very persons about whom I had to vent. That put writing about the questions that were bothering me out of the question. .

***

But blogging is where I discovered myself. Blogging wasn’t all just about quid pro quo. Blogging was also where I realised that I am not alone. That so many people, in fact most of the people, have gone through experiences that I did, in some form or the other. That helped put problems into perspective. That people have gone through it before, and so I will also survive.

Blogging is how I learnt some of the most important lessons in life. In spite of my dislike for quid pro quo, it taught me that the value of appreciation, both given and received, as long as it isn’t fake. It teaches you that to receive you must first be willing to give. I think I can boast of atleast a few real friends over and above blog-buddies. It teaches you that you need to spend time and effort on people, that you need to empathise with them, and. It taught me to be a good friend!

Blog-world was where I made a lot of good friends. In fact, I know a lot of the people on my blogroll by their real names - from all around the world. People with whom I identified with in spite of all the differences. And for a brief period, my blog buddies were my best friends.

So you see, I didn’t have reason enough to quit blogging altogether either.

***

Okay, now I told you that I wasn’t fishing for sympathy in this post. So then, what was the purpose? Simple.

Last week, I tried writing an article about finance, and I noticed I was so rusty that I had to struggle to write even the simplest of ideas without feeling lost for words. So I decided its time I shrug off my laziness to write something everyday. Especially since I really meant it about becoming a famous writer! And this is something I will surely enjoy reading!