28 December, 2008

Blogging



Im not very much of a blogger. Or so I guess its time I admitted. So much for the regularity of my posts. Till about a month ago, I had my excuse of too much else to do. Iv spent the last month doing nothing except fretting that I don’t have anything productive to occupy myself with. 

I did try my hand at writing. And found out that maybe I don’t want to actually. Oh, in fact, Iv been having doubts whether I really wanted to write in the future. But that dissection can wait.

Right now we’ll talk about blogging. Or my blogging, to be precise.

I don’t consider myself to be a very interesting blogger either (And no, Im not fishing for compliments). Mainly because of the absolute lack of original stuff I come up with on a regular basis. Of course there’s the rare, maybe semi-annual, post which is indeed interesting. Uh well, now that I’ve berated myself a little, I guess I can get back to attempting to write something post-worthy.

Sometime ago, I had answered a tag on ‘Reasons why I blog’. Going through that now, I really don’t think they were honest answers. The only reason I blog ought to be because nobody else would want to publish the stuff I come up with. Or for that matter, pay to read. So, that begs the question, why do I write. I think that puts the whole thing in perspective. I need to write. Not because writing is the essential me, like I claimed in that post. Not because I need to voice my opinion about the happenings around me (I do, but a vocal argument will satiate that need). Not even because I believe I could influence public debate (Anyway Im seen as no more than an immature male-chauvinist who voices everything his mother makes him believe – yeah D, that was aimed straight at you and a few others who don’t read this blog anymore).

I write because I enjoy reading what I write. Uhh no, I enjoy reading the outcome of the creativity in me. Every time I feel like writing, I intend to churn out something that satisfies that yearning in me. Often for prolonged stretches of time, my mind refuses to cooperate. And so I give up writing temporarily. I would rather live in oblivion than subject myself to reading routine boring inconsequential stuff (This of course, is about my writing, you are entitled to write what you please, and I as a dutiful blog buddy, will read)

I write because I love compliments. Not compliments like how smart I am or intelligent (They’re quite off-the-mark anyway), but compliments on my creativity. Yeah, Ill admit it, I get a kick to hear that. I don’t mind the light-headedness that comes from feeling a little superior.

I write because somewhere in the bottom of my heart, I am vain. I want to be a famous writer. Not necessarily an author, but atleast a revered columnist (yeah, I meant ‘revered’). Well, I hope I do!

****

Back to blogging. There was a time when for a few months I thought I was actually a good blogger. Good blogger as in, regular blogger plus popular blogger. And as I am wont to do, I began giving out advice on how to make your blog popular. And sometimes I get a kick out of seeing the popularity of some blogs.

It’s simple actually. And it’s high time you accepted it. You visit someone else’s blog and leave a comment, they visit yours and comment. You blogroll someone, they return the ‘favour’. Isn’t that what is known as a quid pro quo? But somewhere down the line that irked me. I didn’t add up. I know it was asking too much of a busy world that people should acknowledge me without prompting. I mean, don’t we all want to be loved without us having to demand it? That was when I started putting anonymous comments. So, I could continue ‘sampling life’ without leaving an obligation.

Well of course, I didn’t tell you. That was the period in which I was a little insane. Or rather what I would call my withdrawal phase. I got through that (Surprisingly, on my own). And then came the privacy phase. Now I suddenly didn’t want any new blog readers. But by then the blog had become quite public among my extra-net friends, even the very persons about whom I had to vent. That put writing about the questions that were bothering me out of the question.

***

But blogging is where I discovered myself. Blogging wasn’t all just about quid pro quo. Blogging was also where I realised that I am not alone. That so many people, in fact most of the people, have gone through experiences that I did, in some form or the other. That helped put problems into perspective. That people have gone through it before, and so I will also survive.

Blogging is how I learnt some of the most important lessons in life. In spite of my dislike for quid pro quo, it taught me that the value of appreciation, both given and received, as long as it isn’t fake. It teaches you that to receive you must first be willing to give. I think I can boast of atleast a few real friends over and above blog-buddies. It teaches you that you need to spend time and effort on people, that you need to empathise with them, and. It taught me to be a good friend!

Blog-world was where I made a lot of good friends. In fact, I know a lot of the people on my blogroll by their real names - from all around the world. People with whom I identified with in spite of all the differences. And for a brief period, my blog buddies were my best friends.

So you see, I didn’t have reason enough to quit blogging altogether either.

***

01 December, 2008

Holiday Blues

Iv never been in love. Atleast, not officially! But that doesnt mean that I havent felt a lot of the things that distressed lovers claim to feel. Well, so I was watching this movie 'The Holiday', starring Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet and Jude Law. My first movie in a long long time, but just a few minutes into it, and I was hooked. Pathetic as I think I would be with a movie review, (and anyway, I feel almost impotent creativity-wise) Ill settle with sharing a few of the dialogues that made me go "oh wow, there's someone else too"!

*****

".... because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and suprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's not for you" - on why you stick with someone who's obviously not meant for you!


"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said 'Journeys end in lovers meeting'. What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said 'love is blind'. Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night.
"And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual ......
"These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms."


"... in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life, for god's sake!"


"Say a man and a woman both need something to sleep in and both go to the same men's pajama department. The man says to the salesman, 'I just need bottoms', and the woman says, 'I just need a top'. They look at each other and that's the 'meet cute'." - Well, this one doesnt really apply to me. But I thought it cute, so there it stays!


"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy.
"And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."


"I need some peace and quiet... or whatever it is people go away for." - I DO! really do!!!!!