28 December, 2008

Blogging



Im not very much of a blogger. Or so I guess its time I admitted. So much for the regularity of my posts. Till about a month ago, I had my excuse of too much else to do. Iv spent the last month doing nothing except fretting that I don’t have anything productive to occupy myself with. 

I did try my hand at writing. And found out that maybe I don’t want to actually. Oh, in fact, Iv been having doubts whether I really wanted to write in the future. But that dissection can wait.

Right now we’ll talk about blogging. Or my blogging, to be precise.

I don’t consider myself to be a very interesting blogger either (And no, Im not fishing for compliments). Mainly because of the absolute lack of original stuff I come up with on a regular basis. Of course there’s the rare, maybe semi-annual, post which is indeed interesting. Uh well, now that I’ve berated myself a little, I guess I can get back to attempting to write something post-worthy.

Sometime ago, I had answered a tag on ‘Reasons why I blog’. Going through that now, I really don’t think they were honest answers. The only reason I blog ought to be because nobody else would want to publish the stuff I come up with. Or for that matter, pay to read. So, that begs the question, why do I write. I think that puts the whole thing in perspective. I need to write. Not because writing is the essential me, like I claimed in that post. Not because I need to voice my opinion about the happenings around me (I do, but a vocal argument will satiate that need). Not even because I believe I could influence public debate (Anyway Im seen as no more than an immature male-chauvinist who voices everything his mother makes him believe – yeah D, that was aimed straight at you and a few others who don’t read this blog anymore).

I write because I enjoy reading what I write. Uhh no, I enjoy reading the outcome of the creativity in me. Every time I feel like writing, I intend to churn out something that satisfies that yearning in me. Often for prolonged stretches of time, my mind refuses to cooperate. And so I give up writing temporarily. I would rather live in oblivion than subject myself to reading routine boring inconsequential stuff (This of course, is about my writing, you are entitled to write what you please, and I as a dutiful blog buddy, will read)

I write because I love compliments. Not compliments like how smart I am or intelligent (They’re quite off-the-mark anyway), but compliments on my creativity. Yeah, Ill admit it, I get a kick to hear that. I don’t mind the light-headedness that comes from feeling a little superior.

I write because somewhere in the bottom of my heart, I am vain. I want to be a famous writer. Not necessarily an author, but atleast a revered columnist (yeah, I meant ‘revered’). Well, I hope I do!

****

Back to blogging. There was a time when for a few months I thought I was actually a good blogger. Good blogger as in, regular blogger plus popular blogger. And as I am wont to do, I began giving out advice on how to make your blog popular. And sometimes I get a kick out of seeing the popularity of some blogs.

It’s simple actually. And it’s high time you accepted it. You visit someone else’s blog and leave a comment, they visit yours and comment. You blogroll someone, they return the ‘favour’. Isn’t that what is known as a quid pro quo? But somewhere down the line that irked me. I didn’t add up. I know it was asking too much of a busy world that people should acknowledge me without prompting. I mean, don’t we all want to be loved without us having to demand it? That was when I started putting anonymous comments. So, I could continue ‘sampling life’ without leaving an obligation.

Well of course, I didn’t tell you. That was the period in which I was a little insane. Or rather what I would call my withdrawal phase. I got through that (Surprisingly, on my own). And then came the privacy phase. Now I suddenly didn’t want any new blog readers. But by then the blog had become quite public among my extra-net friends, even the very persons about whom I had to vent. That put writing about the questions that were bothering me out of the question.

***

But blogging is where I discovered myself. Blogging wasn’t all just about quid pro quo. Blogging was also where I realised that I am not alone. That so many people, in fact most of the people, have gone through experiences that I did, in some form or the other. That helped put problems into perspective. That people have gone through it before, and so I will also survive.

Blogging is how I learnt some of the most important lessons in life. In spite of my dislike for quid pro quo, it taught me that the value of appreciation, both given and received, as long as it isn’t fake. It teaches you that to receive you must first be willing to give. I think I can boast of atleast a few real friends over and above blog-buddies. It teaches you that you need to spend time and effort on people, that you need to empathise with them, and. It taught me to be a good friend!

Blog-world was where I made a lot of good friends. In fact, I know a lot of the people on my blogroll by their real names - from all around the world. People with whom I identified with in spite of all the differences. And for a brief period, my blog buddies were my best friends.

So you see, I didn’t have reason enough to quit blogging altogether either.

***

11 had something to say:

Monika said...

blogging for me is a space where i can be myself... shed all inhibitions, take out all my frustrations, rantings, express my opinions at times when u cant do it in real life but each to his own...

BTW i always used to like ur blog and now too

D said...

That's an introspective post. (And I'm part of your introspective post? It makes me feel rather important in a very juvenile sort of way) And it gives us an insight into the blogger you are.

Anyway, I think people blog for two main reasons that are diametrically opposite to each other. One, because they want to be themselves and their blog lets them be that and two, because they want to be something that they are not in their real lives and they can do that in the virtual world. Everything else broadly fits under those two categories (I think).

Avaran said...

ha... to think there are people regularly checking this blog! (ill momentarily forget google reader!) a big thankyou... :)

now #monika
of course of course.. that was the intention when i started.. but i doubt iv done much of that.. and anyway, i dont think i was ever used it to express what i 'cant do it in real life, but each to his own'...

IV BEEN FORTUNATE TO HAVE SOME GOOD EMAIL/CHAT BUDDIES... and that kind of ranting happened through gmail!

a big thankyou for the compliment btw!


#D
And why wud i rule you out of my introspective post? considering that maybe yrs is the blog iv visited and commented on the most anyway!

well, going by yr dissection of reasons why people blog, I think u cud put myself in the first category.. but not entirely... i dont think just reading my blog, u will get a good idea of who i am... ull have to hack into my gmail account to know that! - in fact its so rarely i write personal stuff (if i remember well!)
but im sure iv ever tried to be someone i am not on blogosphere!

Avaran said...

but then, I think there's an extent of truth in Ds second classification... I consider myself to be a success as a netizen where Iv been a complete faillure in the real world. much like Rama admitted sometime ago on her blog

I have been a good friend online where Iv been a person full of regrets outside.. but thats changing...

More specifically, the net me was the real me! it wasnt the me that the world saw.. but it wasnt a fraud me either...

but thats changing... theres only one me now.. th real me

Standbymind said...

I loved reading it too..
how i wish I could have written this one!

;)

Nufin man..goin thru same phase like urs may be
:O

whats up with ya???

Vidya said...

I read a comment in this space about why people blog. Even though you claim that you do not blog anything personal, there is always a small aspect of personality that is revealed by each and every post.

I have followed your blog religiously. So keep blogging, at least for the "reverence" that you are getting! :D

Vidya

Avaran said...

gosh... thanks both of you! hehe... yeah, im grinning cheek to cheek at the compliment!

#vidya...
yeah, i must admit that too... i do come in every post!

#aman...
im not sure im in the same position as you... well, anyway, right now, trying to enjoy being absolutely jobless... u still at chennai? i had mailed u before i left... u neva replied!!!!!


#everyone...
since people do read the comments too, i must clarify an error...

I meant that i NEVER tried to be something im not on blogosphere, not 'ever'.. the power of an N!

Rahul said...

Blogging truly sets us free, free in its every sense to fly with what our souls have to say, what we want to opine. But at the same time in conjunction with the real world.

Anwesha Chatterjee said...

Wow!!! Great template and great blog!!! Happy New Year!

Irreversibly Screwed said...

that one was straight from the heart.. and with all the talk about being alone in this world and fighting your own battles, somewhere inside it is nice to know you're not the only one..
with me there are times when i just want to say whatever im thinking without being interrupted or questioned about it which is so difficult to expect in a "verbal argument" as you put it.. and its just easier to sit and write(or type) everything rather than gab incessantly without really making a point and repeating things..

anyway Happy New Year..

manisha said...

if allowed i owuld like to echo the same thoughts!!:D

for me, primarily i started blogging cos i really wanted to be read!
for months i wentt crazy......but then came the hiatus....and it keeps coming back!

and you know i have made my life's bestest ever frnds thru blogs....seriosly...i never thot this portal could be so...umnm...what do i call....maybe life changing....and all kudos to blogger.com...i wud hve never found such amazing pals...

and for a quite long time i have been restraining myself ......not to blog, not to read....cos its so damn addictive....really....then studies go in for a toll...but then i cudnt take it any more....its true passion never dies and sometimes i wonder why we kill passion for sme really useless thngs in life:(