Rainy days and Mondays! (always get me down)

Talking to myself and feeling old

Sometimes Id like to quit

Nothing ever seems to fit

Hangin around, nothing to do but frown

Rainy days and mondays always get me down

What Ive got they used to call the blues

Nothing is really wrong

Feeling like I dont belong

Walking around some kind of lonely clown

Rainy days and mondays always get me down

(The Carpenters)

Another rainy monday (on which I happened to listen to the carpenters!)... Iv been trying to write a post for sometime .... but its just not coming... trying to do some homework for my class in the evening. Blank head!

Lost in Reality

Sometimes I envy the life of a computer. Like all of us it is expected to work, and like all of us, it is treated like a machine who's only job is to work! Like all of us, it gets sworn at when it isnt able to keep up with demands, with impatient fingers belonging to unstable minds nastily giving insensitive senseless command after insensitive senseless command just to mask their own frustration.

But unlike us, the computer has a time tested way of getting back at humans. It stops working with a confused look, turns deaf to all sorts of emotional arm-twisting (which its user's are deceptively too good at, anyway) feigning indifference to the user's plight (serves them right anyway, for confusing the poor thing so!)

And then Mr. User starts behaving like a gentleman, and does something he affectionately calls as CTRL+ALT+DEL. Which revokes all commands given to the computer so far, and lets it start on a new note, of course, giving it some time to rest. The less gentlemanly just switch off the computer and restart, though it serves the same purpose. Ultimately, the lesson is you cant get on the computer's nerves beyond a certain point.

Sometimes I wish I could just do a CTRL+ALT+DEL to myself too. Or a plain switch off. To be able to just retire to some invisible habitat, like an ant-lion. To sleep and never have to wake up. Or atleast to dig my head in the mud like an ostrich, and stay there in oblivion of all the happenings in the world around me!

***

A year or so ago, when I first came up with the title to this blog, I never imagined it would manifest itself as the truth. Never imagined that after all the experiences I had gone through, I would have lose the spirit to fight. Never imagined that I would ever want to give up. That I wouldnt want to go on any further.

Loser with a capital letter L

Sometimes you feel you dont even deserve to be living!

Sometimes you feel you will never learn!
Sometimes you feel you are just naive to go on trusting people (after all the lessons)!
Sometimes you feel you are a fool to go on seeing only the good side in people!
Sometimes you feel you are too innocent, decent and dignified to thrive in this world!

Sometimes you feel this world wasn't meant for you!
Sometimes you feel God actually made a mistake making you the way you are!
Sometimes you feel God is just having fun at your expense!
Sometimes you feel you are just an object of Heavenly mirth when you motivate yourself!
Sometimes you feel you were fed with a pack of lies about the Omnipotent!

Sometimes you feel you are just vain to go on dreaming!
Sometimes you feel you are just immature when you refuse to accept you are'nt born to win!
Sometimes you feel you will never succeed!

Sometimes you feel you are a loser. Loser with a capital letter L!
Sometimes you feel the 'Loser' is stamped right across your forehead, for all to see and exploit!

Sometimes you feel its just not worth pretending everything's okay!
Sometimes you feel there is a limit to everything!
Yesterday, I think that limit got breached!

I GIVE UP

Give up on hoping things will turn better.
On convincing myself that the past was someone else's naivety!

Give up on cribbing. Anyway, it never made any difference.