An accidental self-discovery

Yesterday I came across two non-news articles in two different papers about the mathematician who declined the Fields Medal, the maths equivalent of the Nobel's. Well, for sometime now weve seen authors declining awards. It became a serious issue in India and particularly in Kerala, when a lot of the newspapers started advising the govt. to collect a list of non-aspirants to each award. Mostly it is seen as a protest against the award donor. Like in the case of the Chinese author who was selected for the Literature Nobel.

Grigory Perelman's non acceptance of the award was not pollitically motivated. For him the reward was simply the pleasure of having solved a conundrum that had puzzled mathematicians all over for over a century, the Poincare Conjecture. It is said he was obsessed with solving the conjecture, but once he proved it, he didnt even mention it. In fact, it became a problem when others could not get accustomed to the fact that it was no longer a conjecture.

He calls it purity of mind. One newspaper reports a colleague explaining "To do great work, you have to have a pure mind. You can think only of mathematics. Everything else is human weakness. Accepting prizes is showing human weakness. An ideal scientist does science and does not care about anything else".

When it comes to achieving something great, something no man has ever done, it takes commitment. Everybody knows that. It also takes something few others have, passion for the object of your discovery.

This reminds me of the Alchemist in Paulo Coehlo's book by that name. The teqnique of transforming lead into gold is as easy as any other formula that it could be written on a small piece of papyrus. It was this small formula which was expanded to the countless volumes of books that the aspiring (and must i say, unsuccessfull) goldsmiths wrote. They never learnt to turn lead to gold. And all these formulas were left to posterity to expand even further. The Alchemist tells Santiago why the hordes of genius' werent able to get there even with the collective knowledge of centuries of human thought.

Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter's headmaster echoes the idea(incidentally, both of them are talking about the same stone and the elixir of life). The clue to immortality is meant to be unvieled only for the worthy. It is only for them that strive for something only for the sake of it.

For whom passion was for science, not for his own immortality.
Iv always felt that when it is passion that takes you somewhere, the pursuit is ennobled by that very fact. Then you wouldnt care about the pains or rewards, you are oblivious to the acclaim it carries.

But there, another voice challenges me. It asks me, "can you really do something and turn your back to the fame it brings?"

Sorry, I cant. I hate to admit it. But I must. I simply cant.

I cant. Thats not to mean that everybody is crazy after fame. Ive known people who'd rather live in the shadows. and pitied them too.
But Id rather be known for my hard work. Think about the sacrifices. what about the perseverence? Dont I have a right to be rewarded for it. Forget monetarily. But fame. Can you do without it?

Again, my mind reminds me, but that attitude's not going to get you above the ordinarily great. I retort, how can I change myself? I cant. Change myself. Coz, thats what I am. and I cant help being what I am.

So.

No point pretending this small revelation I just had never was. But again I think, Thats how God made me. And I was always happy the way I was. Maybe my destiny is not to solve the accounting equivalent of the poincare.
Hey I got it. My destiny. Is just to shine. With this little lamp of mine. Maybe He wants me just to live my life so that somebody else (Theres the other voice correcting me, "It has to be everybody, not just somebody else") can be happier.
And smile. Always.

Im trying, Lord. For You.

Correction, for me, and also, for You